It’s been sad and frustrating for me to watch Alice try to integrate herself into our little colony here. She’s a tiny little thing, scrawny and used to scrapping for food. And she’s obviously used to standing up for herself to the bitter end.

For whatever reason, after release from being trapped and nipped, she decided to try out our colony for a new family. Despite what the rest of the cats thought about it. Actually, I take that back. None of the other cats seemed to mind the idea at first. Now they mind.

Alice struggles with her own frantic emotions and desperate needs. I’m sure being so small and scrappy, she’s been living on the edge of starvation for a while. So this new environment where there’s food regularly is weird for her. She still isn’t quite used to eating out of the food bowls so I pile some food on the cement for her.

At the same time she desperately wants to be part of a family. she wants security and affection from her colony, and some sense that she’s not alone. Unfortunately her emotions are high, and her reactions quick.

There’s the usual head bumping among the cats, and leisurely swishes alongside each other. Trading scents and god-knows-what-all on their fur. It’s a comfort, bonding thing on the outside, and a way to create a family smell and share common (good) bacteria and such at the root levels.

Alice attempts to head bump with the other cats, but since she’s new, they are a little cautious and take time to sniff at her. She reacts too quickly to perceived rejection, and lashes out at them. Now after repeated interactions like that, the other cats shy away from her, deepening her frustration and rejection, making her more angry.

She wants nothing more than to belong and mix in with this family, but her own hyper-sensitivity and frantic mind-space drives them further away from her. Not unlike people I know too well.

I make every effort to help her and them. When I am with them, I make sure to pet both Alice and whomever she is trying to snuzzle in attempt to keep the energy calm while she finally gets to cuddle and they see that she’s not out for their blood. I do see her calmly sitting near one of the other females from time to time but it’s so easy to get everyone riled up that it can’t last. Hopefully in time she can come down a few notches and the other cats can relax around her. She needs that second chance at a real family.

And of course, another new young female has appeared out of the darkness, needing to be fixed.